Its been more than a week since I wrote and I'm trying to write every week! Maybe the day will be Sunday, instead of Thursday. Anyway, Im here now and want to go ahead and tell you a short recap of my week and talk a little about my health journey.
My week started with me enjoying cooking again, which has really become something I'm enjoying a lot! Making homemade bread, dressings, and baked goods are my favorites, but also teaching my kids how to eat vegetables and enjoy them is a goal of mine as well. We had regular days with school and horse lessons and errands and then some days where I worked my businesses. We had a very wild day as well (more about that later), and I also was privileged to be part of a new small group happening in the city next to me, where we will start a church plant in about a year!
My main job I love is being a wife and mom, but my next job that I love is helping others grow in their health- spiritually, mentally, and physically. Most people aren't even aware they could use the help until they start to see information about changing. I didn't realize or really think about being broken or needing to be more aware of what was happening around me until I started to realize some problems I was having were reoccurring- in that I knew something had to change and I needed to learn how to better myself in those 3 areas- spiritually, mentally, and physically.
My spiritual journey started when I was in 6th grade when I accepted Christ at a local Bible School with another girl, Calista McManus, at the same time. From there I started going to church, but didn't really do any work on my own time, just did what I wanted during the week, prayed over meals and hoped for the best in life. When I was a teenager, I got baptized- more so to join a church than understanding what that truly meant and I was still only thinking about God on Sundays and some Wednesdays.
This journey continued this way until 2015. The journey until then was living 2 different lives in some ways. Imposter syndrome at the max. I was one way here and one way there, etc. I had been taught some theology that was off, I believe, because basically I felt like I should be a saint at all cost and at all times and any mistakes you made meant you started your journey with the Lord over at 0! This, for me is not true! We are all sinners and have been saved by grace. We will all continue to sin- I don't mean on purpose but, we are human and not perfect and this world has fallen, so we will have places where we make mistakes and it doesn't mean your relationship and all that you've learned and gone thru so far are out the window and you have to start over. No! It means you look up, ask forgiveness, brush yourself off, and move forward with more knowledge, doing better!
Ok, so how the journey turned around in 2015 was my oldest decided she was ready to be baptized and the Lord was teaching me the real reasons for baptism as well. I told her I will do it with you! At that point, I realized that God loved me unconditionally and there was nothing I was going to do to separate His love from me and I wanted to share that with others! I realized I had to start where I was with being myself around everyone and realizing I had been doing a lot of people pleasing for a lot of years. I had to just be me and grow from there (let the Lord start my sanctification process) and realize I didn't have it all together and that was normal, not bad or unworthy of having a Savior, but the reason I needed Him daily!
Not but 6 months or less we moved to Japan where I was told so many times by Americans, before leaving, how difficult this was going to be to find another Christian- why were they not saying- we will pray God puts someone in your path and a church, I don't know but I was really thinking wow what if there are no Christians? I didn't understand how it worked moving with the military overseas, so I had no idea we would be on the base and other Americans would be there, seems like duh but honestly we felt all alone to begin with on that journey! I do remember the first festival we went to on base- the Geishas were playing their instruments. Guess what song they were playing? Amazing Grace!!! From that moment I knew God was with us! This move made us rely on God more and more. I really relied on Him while I was there for almost a year alone, just me and my kids. He was so good to us with friends that became family and so many that took care of us!
At that point in 2017/18, I realized I needed him basically moment by moment. I had for years wanted to be ok with waking up early and really could not bring myself to do it! I wanted that quiet time before my kids were awake. At first I thought that time was going to be for exercise, but as I exercised with no results on the scale, I started to realize I needed that quiet time to be with God. It became clear to me that, that time was a need. When I didn't spend the time I definitely felt off and frustrated more. It was truly a gift to me from Him that I was able to start waking up on my own and have that time with Him. Since 2017 I have been waking up before my kiddos, every day (M-F for sure, sometimes S&S), and having at least an hour to myself. Homeschooling them has also made this time possible as well and a husband who works hard so I can be home with them too!
2019 December, we moved back to the states, to New Mexico which is approximately 1,467 miles from family and friends. This was so hard for me! We were so close but so far away and it really hurt. Not only were we far away from our family and friends but the pandemic started and we were even more restricted. Life felt weird in someways and normal in others because Josh still worked even though crazy things were happening! We weren't allowed but 7 people at one house- umm our family is 7 people fyi! and then we couldn't leave the state which Costoc that was close to us was in Texas- so we couldn't do our regular shopping- I know not that bad but it was just blah. I was becoming more and more blah and my mental health was becoming worse! I was constantly tired, (which had been that way since Japan, but now worse), and I was just laying around until I knew Josh was on his way home and then getting dressed. I didn't know what to do but I did know that my weight had something to do with it.
I have struggled with my weight since I was a teenager or maybe I should say my size. I've been told you're like a bull in a china shop, you always make a mess, your just big boned, you are solid, called jolly green giant, on and on. I knew now after 5 kiddos I was truly overweight (obese) and needed to get my health under control before my health started controlling me. I mean you either invest in your health upfront or on the back end- you decide really! So like in Japan where I had been working out and changing my diet with no results, I was ready to do something again. I happened to be on a decluttering live, learning some techniques and decluttering with others (something different for another time) and heard a lady say she had lost 120lbs! I was intrigued and immediately researched her and reached out! I had to know what she did.
I reached out and we talked and I decided to try this program honestly because I was at my wits end with always being the biggest girl or worrying about not fitting, breaking something and never finding clothes to fit. I also had the realization that my great grandfather and grandfather both died in their 50's of heart issues. I was ready to do what it took but what sold me was this program had been scientifically proven to work and nursing is my background so that got me. Well low and behold, it really does work! I lost 83lbs! I felt amazing and I know thats how God intended for me to feel because I had more confidence and drive that I ever have had in my life.
Fast forward to 2021, when we made the leap of faith to get out of the military, our life got rough. The military doesn't really set you up for success to understand civilian life and the problems just got crazier and crazier as we got out. It was issue after issue- I had to have dental surgery right before getting out twice, had to call congress man to get orders to get out, missed 3 job opportunities because of that, lived with my parents for 3 months (7 people and a dog), found a rental that was super tiny, job after job, bought a house and now facing my husband not even having a job! All those factors have created a stress I have not been prepared for and I defaulted to some of my old food habits and it caused me to gain a few pounds back. This plan works but only when you work the plan- I have the tools for not only the food portion to change the scale but also the mental health piece that also has to be put into use because dealing with food issues is way more than a number on the scale. It's a lifelong journey of change and healing.
Thankfully, I know how to work on my health- spiritually, physically and mentally and can get myself back on track to daily choosing to become the best version of myself! You know it doesn't happen overnight! So for me, I am choosing to daily wake up early before my kiddos, drink water, have my coffee while starting my quiet time- praying, reading my Bible, worshipping, using my happy light and choosing to work on myself daily while prayerfully helping my family and inspiring others to do the same!
sorry so long!
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